Mr. Locked Up Sir!

If my mini-van had super powers, I'm pretty sure it would have pulled itself over and told us ALL to "Get OUT!!!" today.

***Warning! Next to abstinence, today's blog may be the next most efficient form of birth control. (Share it with your teens--it ain't all fun and games!)***

I have to assume this snapshot of my afternoon will sound similar to many. We mom's can share a look of exasperation...and a long sigh, and know exactly what kind of day it's been, without saying a word.

In all reality, today had some highlights....and I'll establish now, before the dramatic retelling ensues, that I am in fact one blessed mommy.... who wouldn't trade ONE second of her chaotic life, for a different one.

Today was just too, funny (because it was one of those, where all you really can do is laugh), I figured it needed to be documented.

The morning was normal.... back and forth to therapies, lunch, school... but the afternoon held a much anticipated event! It created quite the buzz through the day!  Today was the first day of our Martial Arts/Self Defense class with our homeschool group. Boy were the kids excited.

I'll admit I was a little nervous about how it would go for Kenton.... I knew there would be plenty of structure, lots of verbal cues...and it could have been a train wreck, but as with any child... we want to give him the opportunity to try everything, and not prejudge his interests or capabilities.

As a whole, he did fabulous. As soon as class started, "Coach Mark" taught them that when he says, "Lock it up!" they are to drop to ground cross legged, and say, "Locked up, Sir!"  They practiced several times.... he had it!

Next, we warmed up with some jumping jacks.

 

(truly one of my favorite sights in the world... children doing jumping jacks!)  Next the mountain climber...it was at that moment, I was very grateful to be the photographer, and not a participant.

 

We finished working on some stances, before the real fun began with self defense....

 

Today's self defense move required them to lay on their backs.... kick with one foot, and use their hands a shield in front of their face. It was about the time that he was asked to sit on his spot...that Kenton noticed something was off.  The corners of the mat... right under his back here in this pic....

...were not lined up perfectly. He had discovered it while he was sitting there, and was trying to get the coaches attention in the middle of instruction. This really wasn't a big deal... to him, it was. "Ummmmm, Mr. Locked Up Sir??.... Ummmm, ummmmm, ummmmmm... Mr. Locked Up Sir???? We have a problem."  He never actually said what the problem was, but I knew exactly what he was wanting to make known.   I really struggled with how to help... He was in the front row, and not within whisper distance..... I didn't want to go helicopter mom and tread on the mat to calm him... so I just kind of had to watch. Coach Mark did a great job of redirecting him... and it was really a non-issue... it just resurfaced later.

 

We moved on to some nunchuck fun...

played a fun game....and called it a day. My exit from this place is what started the chaos.  They happen to have the coolest comic book collection of all of the Avengers, Spidey, Batman.... all of them....and my boy is just fascinated by them. After we got his shoes and socks on...I promised him a "quick look but not touch". It was all so exciting---so many covers to scour....and he knew he had a birthday party scheduled here coming up, and wanted to make sure the coach knew what was to be taking place, and give some directions on that....invite list, activities he'd like to have....and he was pretty much just going a mile a minute with excitement. I was keeping up ok, as was Coach Jackie (the helper), who was being so sweet to discuss the comic books and covers with him....and then my Littlest K started tugging on my purse strap. Over and over again. "Come on, Mommy! I'm hungry!" Tug. Tug. Tug.  "Mommy, hurry. My tummy's hungry."   So the next few minutes consisted of me telling her we'd get a little snack at home and trying to get him to move on without a huge meltdown. All of the other 20+ kids had left...and Coach Mark and Jackie got a nice little chuckle at me being tugged in two different directions. They got the above mentioned exasperated sigh from me, and a wise crack about why we decided to stop at 3...and then they watched us literally inch our way to the van. 

 

As I'm buckling Little K, she REALLY gets hungry... but not just for any ol' snack... for the RING POP she spotted in my front seat....and it's getting LOUD! Her screaming fit brought on water works from my boy, because he just doesn't do well with LOUD... and he starts in about "Mr. Locked Up Sir" and the "wrong cracks at his spot". I was tempted to hand her the Ring Pop... but I only had ONE. You all know how that was gonna end.  Kambree had been pretty calm and collected up until she had heard him refer to "Coach Mark" as "Mr. Locked Up Sir" one too many times...and decided she needed to set the record straight and point out his confusion! About half way home, one of them started including the need to pee in the mix... So now they are all three yelling/crying/sobbing... it was that kind of symphony of chaos, where you just praise the Lord that they are all buckled in, and you can kind of tune them out... except, really, they were too loud to tune out.

 

I did attempt some refereeing...

 

"You can have a snack when you get home"

"The cracks on the floor don't have to be perfect, Buddy. Not a big deal."

"He can call the coach, Mr. Locked Up Sir for now... not worth screaming over."

"I'm driving quickly, NO ACCIDENTS!"

 

About this time, the sun started shining in Kreslee's eyes... and of course, this was MY fault. "Mommy, you put the sun in my eyes. Stoooooop it." Then I'd drive through a shadow...."Thank you, Mommy...that's better"....back in to the sunlight....."Mommy STOP TEASING ME....the sun is in my eyes!" My three year old gives me a lot of credit... at that moment I was unable to control any of my 3 kids (all six and under)... and yet, she thought I was puppeteering the sun!  

 

As we pulled into the drive way, the child that needed to pee so badly, said they didn't need to go anymore....and as I turned around to see my fear confirmed... I just had to laugh. How could that little 8 minute drive have lasted so long. And how could I be surprised that it was ending this way?

 

Then my sappy, overthinking brain took over. I saw three of the cutest tear stained faces staring at me (awaiting my reaction to the "accident"), I saw a van, that my husband had gotten spotless for me just the week before, covered with papers from church, and remnants of happy meals, and random toys and books they'd smuggled out.... and I just decided to relish in the chaos.

 

It's true...they are only little for a very short time. In the blink of an eye... I'll be driving around town alone, because they will have opted to spend the afternoon with friends....and there will be no toys and happy meal trash covering my van---no car seats... "Mommy" will officially be shortened to "Mom"---and the odds of ME having an "accident" will outweigh theirs.

 

In those quiet moments, I'm sure I will look back on days like today, and realize just how sweet the chaos really was.  

 

Jason got home from work really late...and as usual we waited on him to eat. After our prayer, he said, "Kenton, tell me about martial arts."

 

His response...."The cracks on the floor were wrong, but Mr. Locked Up Sir didn't hear me!"

 

and his big sister yelled.... "It's COACH MARK."

 

I get a confused stare and through laughter said, "I'll tell you later!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 







 





Forty Fabulous Years

Forty. Often misspelled fourty. (I taught 5th grade for 10 years, I know.) Four decades. The number of days and nights it took to flood the entire Earth. The number of days and nights Jesus fasted. The number of years my husband has been on this planet....and today... the number of years my parents have been married.

February 16th, 1974, they said "I do."  It all started a few years before that...

If I'm not mistaken, they met at church camp.... or at least have one of their first recollections of each other there. My father, being the suave fella that he was...offered to carry her luggage. And my mom, being the shy gal that she was... declined the offer.

The next couple of years brought many good times, through church and school
Here they are, Mr. and Mrs. Pep at South High.

This picture makes me laugh. If an angel had descended and told them what their future would hold together.... would they have believed it?

 

Some time in here they started dating...they graduated in 1971, spent the next couple of years playing some cat and mouse games... and became man and wife in 1974.

 

They became parents when my older sister was born in 1976 and got the surprise of their lives when my twin sister and I came less than 2 years later.

 

Things were a blur for them for a while. We always assumed that their decision to go for #4 was because my father wanted a boy. In reality, they assumed it would be another girl, but mom wanted one more to enjoy in the less hectic time since we were all in school. So three months in to my first grade year, their bundle of blue arrived. He always had 4 moms and 1 dad---all that would have done anything for him. (If you know my brother, look at the above pic... crazy resemblance.)

 

So that's the gist... high school sweethearts, married a few years later, 4 kids (3 pregnancies) in their first 10 years of marriage.

 

Many of you that know my parents, haven't learned anything you didn't already know. So now, I'm going to share a few things that you could only know if you grew up in their home. If you'd been lucky enough to be one of their children.

 

I remember at an early age, sitting in the backseat watching them playfully sing songs to each other on road trips. I remember their serenades, I remember lots of laughing...and mostly, I remember my dad reaching his hand out to her in between the seats, and my mom grabbing it. The comfort that gave me as a child is something I will never forget. Them playfully loving each other, and having fun together gave me comfort. It gave me peace of mind....and it gave me a full heart.

 

I know now, juggling kids, activities, schedules, is no easy task. My parents managed it all beautifully. They were involved. Active in our lives. Knew our friends. Supported us in everything we did. One example, though I could go on forever here. Danielle and I were in the Singing Quakers....and every year, we had an end of year concert called Symphony of Spring. This concert was usually 3 hours long, and we'd preform it 8 times over two weeks. There were many years that my mom attended ALL EIGHT concerts--- Dad was always at several as well. It didn't matter how many people were there each night.... preforming when you knew your parents were there, always made it better! The feeling a child gets when they know their parent is PROUD of them, is so important.  I already see it in my 6 year old... the way her face lights up when she knows she has wow-ed us with something. The way she always wants to make sure we are watching. I remember the same feelings at her age...and now, in my adulthood, I still enjoy knowing they are proud of me.

 

What's funny.. is I always remember being so proud of them. I loved that my mom was always an amazing bible school teacher....and that she always had the best food and snacks for our youth group events. Still to this day, I'd tour anyone through her house during Christmas, because I am amazed by her decorating abilities. My father, has to be one of the world's most loved men. I remember being proud that my father was one of the loud boisterous supporters (Move the Chain Gang) of our amazing hometown football team... and loving that EVERYONE knew him....and loving even more, that everyone that knew him, loved him. Still to this day, we can't go in to a restaurant to eat, without him seeing people he needs to hug!  Also, my dad gets things done. When he found out I had missed out on a State Choir sweatshirt because I didn't have any money with me at the event... he made who knows how many calls, and tracked one down. He still helps us however and whenever he can. He leaves himself voicemail reminders... it's pretty funny, and genius at the same time!

 

My parents never fought---as far as we knew anyway. When I say never... really I mean never. I can remember ONE borderline spat over socks before church.... and that's all I got! I remember how I felt on the way to church that morning. I was so sad to see them frustrated with each other...even though it was minor. I wanted them to kiss and make up instantly. I wanted to witness a lovey-dovey car serenade! Think about it... as kids, the two people we love more than anything in the world are our parents. Observing hateful tones and talk, regardless of how much love is there, is unsettling, and stressful. I consider myself beyond blessed to have only that one recollection of frustration. I feel beyond blessed that they not only loved each other, but they loved us enough to put up a strong, unified front. Not getting jabs in, rolling eyes, huffing and puffing.  (As good as an example as they were for us, I'm pretty convicted about how much better Jason and I can do in this area....even though we rarely "fight",)

 

 Now, I KNOW that my parents had their disagreements. They happened behind closed doors. Young children don't know how to process the bickering. They can't wrap their heads around the fact that you can argue but still be committed and in love. I am forever grateful for their displaying self control, and loving each other in such a beautiful way.

 

I know they had some tough times. I know there were bugs to work out. And from things they've divulged to us in more recent times, when we were old enough to handle it, they had times early on where they had to fight for their love....and don't we all? Or maybe I should say, shouldn't we all? Love is a choice as much as a feeling. You feel the love through the thick..... you choose to love in the thin.

 

 

My parents were the best example of a good marriage that anyone could ever ask for.

 

40 amazing years later.... they still dance....

 

....and laugh.... (can you see it in my mom's face? He's really got her laughing.)

 

They do little things to spoil each other...

 

I believe Dad's car is on auto-pilot when he passes a Sonic.... he knows just how to make her smile!

 

 

One of the best displays of love for each other, is in how they took (take) care of each other's mothers. My mom was by my Mimi's side nearly every day of the last decade of her life...

 and my father is helping care for my Grandma even now. Always keeping her safe, and cared for!

 

 

They both will always say, how blessed they were by the mother's they gained with marriage. They show their love for each other, by loving the other's family, unconditionally.

 

 

They are still affectionate....

 

I'm not in their car for road trips very often anymore, but I sure betcha they are serenading each other and holding hands.

They have mastered the art of leaning on each other's strengths.....and forgiving each other's weaknesses. 





 

 

So today, I thank my parents, for such an amazing demonstration of love...

Congratulations on an AMAZING 40 years!

I can't wait to celebrate many, many more!

 

 

 

 



 

 

It's Thursday....Time to THROWBACK!

Today seems like a perfect day to do a little reflecting for so many reasons. The obvious... Throwback Thursday, the day where I have not ONE reason to leave the house, and the day that has my husband and I half way through our 8 day challenge and down a combined 10 pounds. I weighed in this morning and realized that about 3 years ago... I weighed 70 pounds more than I do today!  This wasn't a pregnant weight either.  I've had many a "revelation" through this journey...and today.. I'm sharing them. Maybe ONE person who reads this will relate, most likely many more than that.

Here we go. This will be fun for me....and likely my mom. It will be 'de ja vu' for my twin. In fact, she may argue with me that some of these photos are her (she may be right). We've lived the same life. What's the diff? ;)

My parents used to tease us that we were "Baby A" and "Baby B" when we were young....and that's how they kept track of who was who. Then they'd argue which baby was A or B. We'd laugh...but I'd always kind of wonder if I was REALLY Danielle and there had been some mix up along the way?! 

Either way... here I am....Baby B (aka the YOUNGER twin).

 

Born in Dallas, Texas....and partially raised there. We lived in a tiny little house. My parents were broke. They had a 22 month old and got an unexpected SUPRISE that there were in fact TWO, not just one, just a few short weeks before our arrival. We didn't have a whole lot.... or so I'm told, but we sure didn't know! We had so much love... and I have not ONE bad memory from my childhood!

Here I am with the TWO best friends a girl can ever ask for! You all know I have a twin, most of you know I have an older sister too. It wasn't until my older years that I ever stopped to realize how hard it would be to be the sister to twins. In so many ways, we are the same person. It is hard to explain to anyone the relationship we have. Our husband's are learning it now....8+ years in to this game. The fact is, we have an older sister that we adore. She is one of the kindest, most generous people I've ever known (but boy was she ornery). I'll spare you the stories of perfume concoctions and edible dog poop... (they might just contradict my above claim of only fond memories.)

 

 

Can you guess who is who? I'm not telling. Sure wish I had those boots again. If you could of HEARD us talk then, you'dve heard a pretty thick Texas accent.... proclaimin' we were from Maaaaansfieeeld, Teeeeexaaas.

 

We lived there until we were 8...and in the middle of our third grade year we packed up and moved HOME! My parents were high school sweathearts that graduated from South High, right here in Wichita, KS. A move back to Kansas meant a move back to family....and we were downright giddy about the news.

 

I seem to be void of any pics around here from the next decade of my life...(mom has them I'm sure---not gonna lie, even if I did have them, they are too brutal to share ;)

.

So I'll move on to the health revelations/reflection. About the age of 8, I remember starting a real infatuation with food. We'd look forward to after school snacks, and fill our mother in on all the juicy details of our life---and we'd eat. I remember sneaking food from the pantry off an on all evening really. These habit continued throughout.... well my whole life really. At this time in my life though, my body was able to keep up with it... and although I have NEVER been one that was very physically active.... I didn't have to pay the price for the poor choices..... yet.

 

Here we are, sophomore year of high school.... can you believe mom was still dressing us alike and just how similar we looked??  It's crazy really. (or maybe I was unable to find scissors and didn't want to figure out the crop option on the scanner). Anyway.... all through middle school and high school I was definitely "bigger" than most of my friends and well aware of it. I can honestly not remember even ONE time purchasing a "single digit" of clothing. I would say some "self conscious" tendencies were entering in to my life, but I was happy enough. My food addiction was still revvin' up... I remember taking (way too much) delight in the days DAD would do the shopping, because I knew he'd be coming home with lots of goodies that were not on the list! I also remember the enjoyment of hearing mom was headed to SAM'S would bring. A more than stocked pantry.... booyah!!!!! (yesterday's woot, woot for those not trackin'!)

 

 

This night was Hollyball--1994, if I'm not mistaken. The girls ask the guys, the girls pay! I had a dear friend as a date. A big ol' group of us went to Olive Garden...and you know what I remember most about that night? (Oh my, I'm seriously embarrassed to admit this!) I don't remember a single dance, or popular song, the group we were with is fuzzy.... but I do remember I had ELEVEN breadsticks. That's 1-1. Your eyes aren't fooling you. Someone get me a lesson in moderation....STAT!  We laughed about it that night.... now, it's just a sad reminder to me, every time I go there, about the disregard I showed for health.

 

My senior year of high school, I went on a road trip back to our old Texas stompin' ground with 3 of my dear friends! It was there that I have my first recollection of a true addiction to food setting in. We laughed off and on the whole trip, about how we were planning a yummy  lunch stop, while eating breakfast.....and weighing out our amazing dinner options..as we were eating lunch. It was becoming an obsession.

 

While that's my first recollection of that behavior... that same obsession about food....and my life revolving around it, has continued. When I was young with a high functioning metabolism... I got away with it! I was no bean pole...but I wasn't truly paying the price for my bad choices. I didn't have to think about what I was doing to my body. I didn't stop to think about the lifelong habits, bad habits, that I was developing. I NEVER told myself no. If it sounded good, I ate it. If there was more left, I'd finish it off.

 

I may have mentioned in other posts about what a "goody goody" I was.... if this isn't proof, I don't know what is. This is how we rang in our 21st!!! Woo hoo!!! 

 

Time for transparency. I'm outing it all here... during my college years (the years leading up to this pic), I started packing on weight. I ate what was quick, what was easy, and a lot of it. I was introduced to the WHOPPER for the first time.... fell in love with a dessert at one Willie C.s Café... "Willie's Wonder" .... and had a car and a little income to partake as I desired. We went to Cancun my Junior year on a choir tour....and upon getting my film developed (remember those days, ha).... I hit panic mode. I was horrified at what I was seeing. With a little more time in my day, I may have wrangled up some of those pics.... but I'll just say that the above pic, was the SMALLEST I had been since my senior year of high school. I am not at all proud to say, but will admit it here because it's a reality of my life. During the summer after Cancun, and all through most of my fall student teaching semester, I was starving myself. I remember eating only lettuce and saltine crackers--- I remember LOVING the feeling of my growling stomach....and mostly I remember the compliments, and how good I felt hearing someone call me SKINNY.

 

How does this happen? How does someone with all kinds of love and support take such drastic and dangerous measures to lose weight? Honestly, I don't have the answer to that... but I do know that I didn't really know how or where to start a healthy routine.  So, I toyed around with it a few days, could tell it was working.. and off I went. NO ONE on the planet knew this was going down... not even my twin.

 

Lucky for me... I came to my senses in a short matter of time. I resumed my previous eating habits-- and although the weight came back on....and then some, I have never gone back down that slippery slope.

 

 

 

After graduating, I got my first teaching job, had a "big girl" income. For the next 5 years, there was a gradual gain. I hadn't met Mr. Right yet....so I do think I kept a watchful eye on it, and I know throughout these years, I gave Atkins a whirl... also Slim Fast, and even tried a pill that I saw advertised in the back of a magazine....that literally left me puking. 

 

 

In 2004, I met the most AMAZING man... the one that helps me prove every day, that opposites attract, ha! Our dating relationship REVOLVED around food. He worked late, and every single night we ate out. We loved it. We had to-go boxes in the fridge at any given time that would have stretched around a track (we weren't running around by the way). By the time he decided to put a ring on it

(BEST PROPOSAL EVER)

 

we had BOTH put on our fair share of weight. For what we were eating, it should have been more....but like I said earlier, ONE of us was still in our 20's and had a body still working for them to some degree.... the other was not in his 20's, but happened to be a man.... and it seems their bodies  can handle those things a little better.

 

I thought for sure I'd get my booty in gear and have a super-model bod before the BIG DAY. Nope. I lost a little... but at that point, I think I suffered a little from the "I GOT MY MAN" mentality....and because it still hadn't crossed over for me....beyond vanity.... beyond appearance.... it wasn't enough motivation. The HEALTH aspect of what I was doing to my body, just wasn't there.

 

After our trip down the aisle, we waited about 2.3 nano-seconds to start a family! And my NEXT 5 years consisted of being pregnant or tending to a newborn. I was not taking care of myself. I was napping for hours----EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I was not panning out to be the mom I always thought I would be.... because I was too tired and miserable in my skin to be THAT mom. I do believe the saying is true.... "you can't love, if you don't love yourself".  I did wholeheartedly love my babies---but I was not able to make the memories, be active with them.... keep up with the daily grind and have anything left for my husband.... it was starting to occur to me that my HEALTH was in a VERY bad state!

 

 

Sometime during those years, my sweet grandma snagged this pic...

 









and for the first time ever, I was elated that she (and my mom) are often prone to chopping off heads in pics. I thought of burning it first, but then thought, maybe some day, it would serve as motivation. It did.

 

This was how I was living. In a KU hoodie or jacket of some sort (even if it was 80 degrees out). Miserable in my own skin, but not going to do anything about it.

 

----Yes, my son is on a "leash"...and I'll tell you all, (as I would tell the zoo gawkers), my son's safety is more important than anyone's opinion of me...and trust me when I tell you... this was a safety NEED at the time. Happy to say we've graduated past it! :)-----

 

I'd gotten REALLY good at being the butt of my own jokes...making fun of myself for my size and lack of willpower. Honestly I STILL struggle with this one... always want to beat someone to the punch at pointing out my flaws.

 

At this point in my life.. I'd say my food addiction was spiraling out of control. I was seeing numbers on the scale that I was starting to think would never go back down. I was hitting a helpless level... living my life one bad eating choice to the next. Giving in to every craving I'd ever had. Wishing there was some magic switch I could flip to go back in time and TEACH myself moderation. Some crystal ball I could've looked into in my teens, that would have showed me what the bad habits I was creating were leading me to. 

 

 

Every year we go on vacation with my husband's family. It's one of my favorite weeks of the year... except for the whole "I get to be in a swimsuit" around fit people for 7 days bit. Let me be clear to say, not one of them has ever cared what I look like, or made me feel that way... it's my own insecurities. Those insecurities.... had me literally on the boat....in the cover up for 6 or 7 years in a ROW. Didn't get in the water once. Now I have an active imagination, and would take pool water over lake water ANY DAY... and so my boat stays, weren't solely because of the cover up it allowed, but mostly, yes.

 

So shortly after THIS vacation....

the sweet little munchkin in the pic with me.... asked me a question that smacked me over the head.

 

"Mommy, are you afraid of the water?"

 

My reply, "No, honey, why would you ask such a silly question."

 

"Because you never get out of the boat when we are on vacation. Only daddy does."

 

We'll call that my final wake up call! I was living my life on the sidelines. Watching my husband enjoy our kids. And my young daughter had already figured it out.

 

So now the real journey began. I HAD to get control of my weight. During the next year and a half, I did what I call the "You name it, I tried it" plan. I even BLOGGED to Lose!! Anyone remember that? I tried counting points, I tried a 24 day challenge, I did the whole pre-packaged meals thing. With all of them... I'd have some success. I'd start seeing the scale go the right direction.... and inevitably, stop the plan and gain all of it back, sometimes then some. Have you been there??

 

I was in the process of putting back on the weight I'd lost from the above mentioned methods, when I first heard of X. I thought of it as an "8 day trial". I was setting out to lose 5-15 lbs in 8 days. And I did... I lost 8 to be exact. But I gained so much more.... I gained the energy that had disappeared. I gained hours of my life back, EVERY DAY, because I was no longer napping. TMI---but my major constipation issues, went out the door too..... but MOST excitedly, I found a HEALTHY LIFESTYLE, that I could enjoy for the long haul. For the first time in my journey, I found a plan that opened my eyes to my weight being a matter of poor health... not just an eye sore!!!

 

All of this time I had been trying to find the motivation from within to tackle my weight, because I despised what I looked like....and when it was all said and done....that wasn't enough for me.  But when these little angels entered my life....

 

...I was no longer living for me. My refusal to take care of myself, was a refusal to be the best mom I could be. Essentially it was me choosing my addiction to food, (and let me tell you....it IS AN ADDICTION).... over a long, healthy life.

 

None of us know how long we have on this earth. My husband knows this too well. About the time in my life when I was eating 11 breadsticks... he lost his dad. His hero, unexpectedly walked off this Earth, and though he entered a far better place, his absence still hurts so many everyday.

 

Jason and I have BOTH decided that we will do EVERYTHING in our power to be here for our children, as long as we possibly can. I know that my decision to be healthy and to fill myself with amazing nutrients, does not guarantee me a longer life.... but it is a FACT that my obesity could have cut my life short. It is a FACT that obesity is the number one cause of PREVENTABLE deaths.

 

So, I'm writing this to "pimp my products. Right? Nope. I'm writing this because I am celebrating MY choice.. MY decision to not live my next 30 years, the way I lived my last 30. I'm writing this because on this THROWBACK THURSDAY, I saw a new number on the scale, I hadn't seen in a long, long, long, long time. I'm writing this, because I'm inching towards that "healthy bmi" range...  I'm writing this because X, and my journey with it, is a huge part of The Whole White World...and has been a total family affair.

 

Different things work for different people. This is just MY game changer---and I hope by me opening up about some of my journey, you will understand why I am so VERY passionate about sharing it with others. I know what it feels like to be closer to 300 lbs than 200lbs--- yep I said it (we'll see if I delete it before this posts). I know what it feels like to sit next to your husband watching football, hearing him go on and on about the "huge linebacker" he wouldn't want to be on the other side of... and crying inside when his stats flashed across the tv screen, and I outweighed him by 20 lbs. I know what it's like to have needless surgeries because of the harm I did to my body---and I know that helpless feeling when FOOD HAS CONTROL OVER YOU--and it's all you can think about... and you can't seem to convince yourself that you don't NEED that brownie!

 

Not any more. I've got the right tools and I do believe knowledge is power! I'm off the hamster wheel. The search for "how" is over--not the journey though.

 

There is NO GOIN' BACK... just THROWIN' BACK!!!!!

 

 

Thanks for following us! This crazy little blog has had over 10,000 views and I can't even wrap my head around that!

XOXO

 

 

 

 





He's Got Us

He's got the WHOLE word in his hands....and that definitely includes The Whole WHITE World. I've referenced several times how GOD has taken care of so many things for us during the last year. He always does, but sadly, I think when we are struggling the most, we are more aware of his hand in situations.

Several things, big and little, have really just blown my mind. Tonight, I'll share how great our God is. They are unrelated instances, but PROOF to me, over and over again, that God's got us.

One of the hardest parenting heartaches, has been watching KD try to interact with other children. For quite some time, he always kept to himself, and even though it would break our hearts to have a house full of kiddos over, and inevitably find him all alone playing..... we reminded ourselves that just because that would not make our extroverted selves happy, doesn't mean he's not happy. Different things will make him happy. In the middle of the summer, we started to see a change in him. He seemed to be longing for friendships, he just didn't know how to create them, or how to connect in appropriate ways. One night in October, my twin and a good friend were over, and we were chatting about this very thing. I told them how my heart physically ached...and how desperately I wanted to see him making friends.... not just friends of MY friends' kiddos, but his own relationships. I said to them, "I'd cut off my pinky to have him be invited to a birthday party". We talked for hours.. they left very late in the night....and I was getting organized for the next day before turning in. I opened his backpack and found A BIRTHDAY INVITATION from one of his classmates. After I explained to God, that I was kidding about the whole pinky thing.... I stood and cried.... tears of thanks....both to God.... and for that sweet little boy (and his mom)who have NO idea what that meant to me and to my sweetie. God's got us!

In April of 2012, I set out on a mission to lose weight. I was miserable in my own skin....and honestly at a place of desperation. I decided to go for a product line, that was a "direct sales" opportunity---IN SPITE of the fact that it was a direct sales opportunity. I WAS NOT going to do the business. I was simply going to lose 5-15 lbs in 8 days. I lost 8 lbs in the first 8 days, and before I knew it I was telling others. One thing led to the next, and we ended up smack dab in the middle of the most amazing business opportunity. I'd lay in bed and ask my husband....."When did I decide to do this?" and we'd laugh. It was such a blessing, and honestly seemed too good to be true. I know now... it wasn't me who decided to do it....it was God's provision for me. At that time, I didn't "need" it. I'm not saying money was growing on trees, but I was living my dream of being an at home mom, and we were comfortable. What I didn't know then, were the medical expenses and therapies that were waiting for us just one year later. If I hadn't started sharing these products when I did, the expenses that were involved with the diagnosis process (they asked us for $1000 on the spot to start the Autism testing.. Jason said to me, "Thank God for X"), and the monthly prescription costs (more on that later), I WOULD have been looking for a way to contribute to the family financially... to enable us to stay afloat and get him the help he desperately needed. The catch in that would have been... MOST jobs would have taken me away from him when he needed me most (and I needed him most).  As it was... GOD already had provisions in place. He had put me in a flexible and rewarding opportunity, and surrounded me with an amazing support system, long before I ever "needed" it. Through it all, and still today.... we are able to get him every therapy and prescription he needs! I've said it before, and will again. If God is for us---what can stand against? He's got us!


So while we are on the topic of health costs.... I'll take it a step deeper. We have medical insurance...but we have no prescription coverage. The prescriptions for just maintenance of Kenton's asthma were between $500-800 a month. Ouch! When we were in the throws of the Cystic Fibrosis scare, we were told that families can expect to see between $5000-10,000 in prescriptions A MONTH!!!! Most would have discounts or coverage from insurance.... it could have SUNK us! In December, after forking over another $600 in asthma meds, and being very emotionally on edge...I asked the gal at the pharmacy, what would happen to my son if we didn't have that $600. I was curious...and knowing many would not have that available, and the nature of the potentially life saving meds... I truly wondered what happened to those folks. Where would they send them? What cash price would they pay? What "help" is there for those people---because if CF came to be, we could have ended up one of those people. I got a very cold stare. (imagine this going a little like a scene from "John Q"--father driven psycho trying to get his son needed medical attention ;) So I restated.... explained to her what we were potentially facing, and thought I'd get some type of advice, sympathy.. a suggestion of a number to call. Something. Instead, the cold stare remained. I got in my car, and decided, I just needed to stop living in fear of what the financial repercussions could be with a diagnosis like that.... I needed to start investigating. Take matters in my own hand. I decided to start with our current insurance provider. The lady was so helpful. After she listened to a very rattled mother explain the situation, and essentially cry out for help... she explained to me that under the new Affordable Care Act---the only questions they can ask me... are my son's age, gender, and whether or not he is a tobacco user. She told me we could get him their "Cadillac policy" for around $200 a month.... and that we would pay 50% of everything until we hit $1150----and at that point everything would be covered at 100%. And oh, by the way, this policy will also allow him to get Speech, OT, and PT, therapies up to 90 times a year!!  I was fighting back squeals.... thinking about how much this could potentially save us (even though it's a stinger to pay for two primary policies)... we were picking up prescription coverage---and would no doubt hit that deductible within a few months. Here is where God gets REALLY good! I told her I needed to call my husband and weigh out our options and we'd be in touch. Her response... "Oh sweetie, don't take too long... today is the LAST day for open enrollment for 2014."  What? Really? The day I hit rock bottom fear mode and got irked by a cold pharmacist... just happened to be the last day to enroll?  I don't think so. Thank you GOD for stirring me that day!!! You've got us! 

**** Can I sidebar here? Most of you know where I fall on the political side of things... I've had my fair share of negative thoughts on the Affordable Care Act. Honestly, MOST of them remain.... BUT....there is one REALLY great part of it... the pre-existing conditions. The insurance lady told me that based off of his asthma diagnosis alone, that policy would have likely been $800 a month.... and if he would have gotten a CF diagnosis, they likely would have turned down the additional policy. I share this because I think it's good for us to see that it is helping some. Since we appear to be stuck with it, it's good to know, that some will benefit.... just making lemonade here--thought some of you who are frustrated might want a sip of it too! ;) Right now, it's helped us, and I am thankful for that. Now before anyone thinks I'm out of my RIGHT (ha ha) mind.... know this-- I've ALWAYS thought pre-existing conditions should be protected, and that there was definitely room for improvement in our medical world. Without getting political here, I believe there were other ways that this could have been accomplished... and probably in less than 20,000 pages. ;)****


I could go on with more GOD things. Direct answer to prayer and intervention in our lives... but I've got a snoozing son laying at my feet (wandered out of bed about 3 paragraphs back)..... and I need to carry this 58 pound 4 year old to his room, and do the funniest little shimmy move you have ever seen as I attempt to get him back on his top bunk. On second thought, Daddy may get woken up for that job. 

I'll leave you with one, FUNNY...but "OK, GOD... I hear you moment". During all of the waiting and wandering with Kenton's CF scare... it was very easy to get irritable. I don't know about you, but typically the ones you love most, catch the brunt of that. Jason and I did well, stayed on the same page, and gave each other passes (I needed a few more than him) for out of character snips and snaps. We knew what stress could do to a marriage and weren't going to be victims to that. I'll get to the story. We were out of trash bags. I called my husband (texted a reminder too) and asked him to stop on his way home and pick some up. He assured me he'd remember....and alas did not. I may have snapped a little, you know the whole, "Do you even listen to me?" "One thing I asked for?" bit--- (I'm telling on myself here in the hopes that I am not the only wife who has gone there?) He just kept quiet, and decided to retreat to the mailbox to give me some time to chill out, come to my senses...and apologize (I always do, btw ;)). When he brought the mail back in, we were shifting silently through it... and there, in the stack... I KID YOU NOT, was a little box from HEFTY... with...you guessed it.... a big ol' sample trash bag in it. We stood there stunned, and speechless really. Then got the giggles.... and once again said.... "Ok, God.... you've got this!"

Some would hear these stories and chalk them all up to coincidence.... to me... it takes MORE faith to believe these situations were coincidence than it does to believe that there is a master....that is so powerful and ABLE and that cares so deeply for his children.... that he orchestrates each and every detail in our lives....and hears our prayers...and protects us....and provides for us in the big things and the little things. He's got the whole WORLD in his hands... and that MOST DEFINITELY includes The Whole White World---it'll include your world too if you let him .