I got one of those texts from her the other day.. and boy was she right! It was a GORGEOUS song, that has spoken to me on a deep, deep level. It's been on repeat an embarrassing amount of times...and my kids are already requesting it and singing along!
So the song...."You Make Me Brave" by Bethel Music and Amanda Cook...happens to be playing, as I blog.
Why did THIS song mean so much!? The words are powerful. They speak right in to me!
Here are some specifics:
"You are for us, not against us!"
I've been asked many times how am I holding up. Where my strength comes from, etc. Simply put, my entire life, I've had an unwavering FAITH in God. At the very core of me, I truly believe that HE is for us! HE is FOR Kambree (& Kenton). HE is for us as parents. He is not against us. I take a deep, deep comfort in this knowledge. I never question it.... I accept it.... and there is nothing greater to have for us....than Him!
"As your love in wave after wave, crashes over me"
I've said it before and I'll say it again. I could list blessing after blessing that has been showered on me and my family in the 36 years I've been on this Earth. Countless blessings. These blessings have crashed over me time and time again.... and even in some of our darkest periods the last few months, the goodness from HIM is till crashing over us, over and over again---through friendships, church family, our careers, on and on! God is surely good to us!
"You called me out beyond the shore into the waves."
That's exactly what has happened to me. I've been on the shore for most of my life. It's easy to praise God from the shores. When things are going smooth. When life is "perfect". When you can look down and see your footprints and look in front of you and know exactly where you are headed. It's easy. But when those waves start crashing on you..... even worse.... when they are crashing on to your BABIES.... and you can't see in front of you.... you don't know what wave is crashing next..... that is when your faith is put to the fire. That is when you have to rely on HIM to make you brave. You have to remind yourself every day that he is the ultimate HEALER....and that if it's his will to do so, he could reach down and take this away from my baby... or he could put the cure in the hands of the ones who are working relentlessly to find one. But you also have to remind yourself every day...that sometimes that is not his will....and that we can wonder all day long why bad things happen to good and faithful people..... but we'll never know. HE doesn't promise easy.... HE just promises to be there!
"You make me brave."
I've been putting something off for about 4 months now. My husband has been gently nudging the last few weeks.... and now, I've played this song enough times... I'm finally brave enough to do it. I called today to schedule the appointment to have Kreslee tested for Cystic Fibrosis. They are supposed to call me in the morning and let me know when we are to take her in...should be this week. We will start with the sweat test... just like how Kenton's saga started and then ended happily..... and how Kambree's diagnosis was determined, and flipped our worlds upside down. We are praying for LOW NUMBERS. Nothing in the medium zone... and NOTHING 60 or higher! I can't even wrap my head around two of my children having this horrible disease, and the time and costs affiliated with it....but we are prepared to face the reality.....good or bad. We've been on both sides of the coin.... the celebrating...and the devastation... and in a few short days.... we will be going through one of those emotions again. Ack!!!
(For those curious about the "genetic odds"... I'll give you the Cliff's Notes (as I understand them).... Jason is a carrier of a CF mutation, Deanna is a carrier as well. Approx. 1 in 30 Caucasians are carriers, we just don't know it, because carriers are supposed to be without symptoms. When two carriers have a child....there is a 50% chance that child will be a carrier.... and a 25% chance that child will have Cystic Fibrosis--meaning they inherited the CF mutation from both parents. 1 mutation = carrier, 2 mutations = Cystic Fibrosis. We want 1...or better yet...NONE!
That day will be a long one of waiting.... we typically have gotten the results within 6-8 hours of the test... and I can't even imagine how hard that waiting will be, knowing what we do now. (The last two waiting games, we didn't know that Jason and I were both carriers.) I know we will get through it, I'm just absolutely dreading taking her to the hospital... watching them hook her up to the machine.... staring at her sweet, innocent face.... this sweet, innocent face...
and waiting for hours and hours for my phone to ring. I have a feeling a certain song may be on repeat that day... and I know regardless of the outcome HE will continue to make me brave!
Here's the link to the song... maybe you'd rather add it your playlist! You're welcome! ;)
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