A quick recap....for those that aren't sure what I'm taking about.
Today, what should have been a fun lunch out after church with friends and family, took an abrupt turn, when my son got a little too loud for some fellow patrons in the restaurant.
It wasn't a meltdown. It was a loud, and awkward exclamation of excitement about an idea he had.... one that we were in the process of trying to control when a couple of adults, not with our party.... decided to yell, "That's enough!" and "Knock it off!"
Since my husband was already on his way over to help my son get control, he stopped at their table, leaned in and quietly (I couldn't even hear what he said) told them, that our son has Autism and we are doing the best that we can.
Then he took, a now crying, Kenton out to the car.... neither finished their lunch. My sister, after some quiet negotiating with me, decided she wanted to make sure the table really understood, to hopefully prevent similar situations in the future (how blessed am I to have her?!)..... so she nicely went over, and said "I wanted to make sure that you understood what my brother-in-law was trying to tell you. My nephew isn't unruly, he has parents that love him and are working very hard with him... but he has Autism, and from time to time, has outbursts like that."
His response.... "How were we supposed to know that? They should put up a sign or something... or alert the people sitting by them in restaurants."
Really? This still leaves me speechless. But more than speechless, it just makes me sad. Honest to goodness.... that was my emotion after today. Not angry. Not ready to go "Mama-Bear" (though other days that may have been the case---today's sermon was on self-control.... no coincidence).. today I was just sad.
This man, is probably a wonderful person... with grandchildren that he loves---and I betcha they love him a whole lot too. I will happily give him the benefit of the doubt that he is a whole-lotta good.... but made a bad decision... and then had too much pride to admit it. Honestly, I'm sure there have been times in my life, where I may have been wrong and too prideful to back down. I can't think of one.. haha, but surely it's happened! Perhaps Jason could help with a few examples...but he's asleep, so we'll move on! ;)
I wished that they would have had grace for my son, and given us the benefit of the doubt (my guess is moving forward they will).... but regardless, I am willing to give them grace.... and I am willing to give them the benefit of the doubt.
We can all use the reminder to extend grace to people. To not make assumptions when we really don't know the facts. When we see an "unruly" child, we can pray for the parents, maybe shoot them a smile, instead of a glare.... and give them the benefit of the doubt that they are doing the best that they can. If they aren't... I'm pretty sure a disapproving look, groan, or eye roll, won't change that anyway.
The folks involved today aren't the first (likely good people) to try to make a point with huffs and puffs...or outbursts of their own... and unfortunately, I know it won't be the last.
So why am I so sad?
I'm sad because when some people look at my son.. they see an unruly, disobedient child, not fit for public outings. What I see, is a little boy that gets so excited in some environments that he sometimes loses control. I see a child, who is easily over-stimulated.... and restaurants, stores, and certain environments bring out certain self-control issues.
I'm sad because when some people are around my son.... all they hear, is an annoying child, with an often times high pitched voice... that repeats himself frequently.
What I hear.... is amazing progress in his communication skills. I hear a little boy, trying to get his thoughts from his brain to his mouth.... and repeating himself until the next phrase comes to him. It's music to my ears....and I will patiently listen to him as long as I need to, soaking in the communication.
I'm sad because often times, children don't know what to make of my son. So he watches them play together, and he is by himself. When he tries to involve himself, it often doesn't go well...so his father and I have to be on constant standby, ready to intervene when needed. We literally take turns being "on duty". He has his own ideas about how things should be done... and in his world, this is very rigid. He is blessed with a handful of dear friends that "get him".... and those friends mean more to us than they will ever know.
I'm sad, because I truly feel sorry for people that don't take the time to get know him. I've said it before...and I'll say it again, and again. This boy, melts my heart.... literally. I'd squeeze him all day long if I could. He has the BIGGEST heart. He is always thinking of his sisters before himself. If he gets to pick a lollipop after the doctors office, or after getting a haircut, he always requests 3....and tells them all about his sisters. If Jason wants to take him for some daddy/son time... we have to make sure he knows the girls will be having fun too.... or he will insist they come along. He is so very smart. He may struggle expressing all that he knows, but if you spend time with him, working with him, you see quickly, just how smart he is! He may struggle to look in your eyes when you talk to him.... but in those moments when he does.... you see just how sweet and innocent he is. He has a sense of humor that we are seeing more and more glimpses of! He is witty. He's clever. He gives the best hugs. He loves his FAMILY. He squeals with delight when we tell him he will be seeing his cousins, aunts/uncles, or grandparents. He is connecting with people....and those that connect back... know exactly what I mean... he steals your heart!
No way around it, it just plain stinks to watch your child have to work so hard in life....to overcome so many things, not the least of which are people that don't understand him.... but here is what I keep coming back to.
Psalm 139:13-14
For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and WONDERFULLY MADE; Wonderful are Your works.
(secret's out, not really a blonde)
This is true for everyone on this planet.
It's certainly true for my son. He is exactly the child he was created to be...and it was my womb he was grown in..... and I consider myself the LUCKIEST momma in the world to call him mine.
It's a lot of work. There are many hard days. There are shopping trips that leave me pulling out my hair.... there are reports from school that rip my heart out. Things that should be simple tasks can take hours. There are unwanted glares and stares, and huffs and puffs..... but when it's all said and done... it's THEM that I feel sorry for..... not me, not my son! He is wonderfully made. He is a blessing. He is a gift. He is going to keep on making progress. He is going to thrive in life. He's going to make some lucky lady an amazing husband someday.... and end up being a father that will do anything for his kids.
He's taught me so much about life, in just the short 5 years that I've been his mommy.... and I look forward to many, many more lessons from him!
This is what wonderfully made looks like!
This is what a blessed mama looks like!
This is just one captured squeeze of many, that take place every single day!
(For those hoping for an update on Kambree....she is doing well. She has had many struggles emotionally, but we are sorting through them. There is no happy update on our prescription issues.... and we are more than eager for the enrollment period to open, so we can get her additional insurance coverage. Pray for her spirits! Pray that she can live in the now... and not let her mind wander to the laters....pray that her mommy can do that too!)
Thank you for following The Whole White World!
XOXO
